Dumbledore and his Lemon Drops
by The Next Marauder
Summary: Ever thought Dumbledore got a bit out of hand with his Lemon Drops? A little parody about this. OneShot. Read and Review!


Lemon Drops

Dedicated to Helen, because she led me to the wonderful world that is Harry Potter FanFiction…

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing you recognise here, and the things you don't recognise? They don't belong to me either. They belong to my wacky, amazingly huge imagination. Lemon drop?

* * *

Dumbledore was bored. Dumbledore was very bored. No one had come to see him this morning, and that meant he had no one to offer lemon drops to. Oh what a sad, sad day.

All of a sudden, as Dumbledore was trying to offer Fawkes a lemon drop, the door to his office burst open.

"Professor Dumbledore!" shouted a very flustered student. Dumbledore looked over from a very flustered Fawkes, to an even more flustered student. None other than Oliver Wood; the captain of the Gryffindor quiddich team.

"Ahh, Mr Wood. What can I do for you?" asked Dumbledore, putting his fingers together and surveying Oliver over his half moon glasses in what he hoped was a menacing way.

"Katie! She fell off her broom and broke her neck! Madame Pomfrey asked me to ask you if we can transport her to Saint Mungos!"

Dumbledore continued to look at Oliver. "Lemon drop?" he asked casually.

"What? Er, no thanks Sir."

"Are you sure?" Dumbledore asked, picking up the bowl and holding it inches from Oliver's face.

"No Sir, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Sir, we need to get Katie-"

"JUST TAKE ONE!"

"Okay…" Oliver said cautiously, taking a lemon drop from the bowl.

Once he had finished a smile re-appeared on Dumbledore's face and he began to write a note. He handed it to Oliver.

"Take this to Madame Pomfrey and tell her I have given permission for Miss Bell to go to Saint Mungos," he said. "Oh and Oliver?"

The boy spun around.

"Lemon drop?"

Oliver hurriedly grabbed a sweet and ran out the door, as fast as his legs could carry him.

Dumbledore leaned back in his chair. That had been a very good meeting.

* * *

The second victim arrived only fifteen minutes after Oliver.

Hanna Abbott, a Hufflepuff third year knocked cautiously on the door of Dumbledore's office. Dumbledore, caught halfway through trying to ram a lemon drop down Fawkes's throat stopped and sat hunched over a piece of blank parchment, trying to look like he was busy. "Come in," he said, in what he hoped sounded like an authoritive voice.

Hanna nervously opened the door and stepped in. She walked over to Dumbledore's desk and sat down in the chair in front of it.

"Well now Miss Abbott, what can I do for you?" Dumbledore asked, gazing at her.

"Umm, well you see Filch caught me using an excitement egg in the Charms corridor and he told me it was on the list of forbidden items."

"I see your problem," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"Umm, professor? I haven't finished my story yet."

"So sorry, carry on."

"Well I looked at the list, but excitement eggs aren't on there."

"I see."

"What can I do? He told me that I'd just missed it on the list, but I read it three times!"

"Lemon drop?"

"Excuse me?"

"Lemon drop?"

"Ahh no thanks Sir, but anyway-"

"Take a lemon drop!" he growled, thrusting the bowl in her face.

"No, I don't want one."

"IF YOU DON'T TAKE ONE YOU WILL LOSE ONE HUNDRED HOUSE POINTS"

"But sir, i'm allergic to glucose..."

"I DON'T CARE JUST TAKE ONE DAMN IT!"

"I can't take one, I'll die!"

"Fine! How about I give you a glucose free one?" said Dumbledore holding up a blue packet.

"No sorry but i'm lactose intolerant as well..." said Hanna.

"GOOD LORD! How about...a glucose AND lactose free lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked holding up a pink packet.

"Sorry...i'm preservative intolerant as well..." said Hanna, feeling much like they were going in circles.

"Merlin! Do you eat anything?"

"I can eat steak…"

"Good. Now have a steak flavored Lemon drop," Dumbledore said, holding out a black packet.

"Okay, but how can you have a steak flavored lemon drop?" asked Hanna.

"Arrruuughhh what school do you go to girl, because they obviously don't teach you very well!"

"Uh, Professor, I go to your school..."

"Well...you don't anymore...YOU'RE FIRED!"

"Don't you mean expelled?" asked Hanna attentively.

"Yes, that one! NOW OUT! But before you go, Lemon Drop?"

Hanna gave a small squeak and ran from the room.

* * *

Dumbledore felt like throwing the packet of steak flavored lemon drops, but he couldn't. No one could ever waste lemon drops. He sighed as he petted the black packet, sucking on a glucose free lemon drop.

Fawkes, who had now thrown a huffy and singed Dumbledore's beard, and then flown up so high Dumbledore could not get him down, was happy to be left alone as another student walked into the office.

James Moore sat down at the desk and proceeded to tell Dumbledore all about the reason why he thought he should go to Hogsmede a year early, as he was only in second year.

"Lemon drop?" said Dumbledore, out of the blue.

"Yes okay" James said reaching for one

"No! There're mine!" shouted Dumbledore snatching back the bowl and shoving one in his mouth.

"Okay..." James said slowly, razing an eyebrow.

He finished his speal and looked at the headmaster, who had actually only pretended that he was listening.

"Sir?" he said quietly, prodding the old man who seemed to be fast asleep.

"My lemon drops! Mine!" He shouted and lashed out, hitting James square in the head.

"Oh dear," he said, looking at the boy who was now sprawled unconscious on the floor.

* * *

The door flew open with a loud BANG and Draco Malfoy came storming in on Dumbledore, who had only just hidden the body of James Moore.

"Ahh, Mr. Malfoy what can I do for YOU?"

"You can expel Potter! He's done so many things wrong, and you just let him off, but I do so much as spill my breakfast on the floor and Filch gives me a months worth of detention!"

"Potter… Potter… Oh! Harry! I thought that name sounded familiar!" Dumbledore sat in a daze for a moment, thinking about the only student who took lemon drops willingly, besides that prat James Moore.

"Oi, Dumblebum, are you even listening to me?" Draco shouted, slamming his fist down on the desk, inches away from Dumbledore's crooked nose. "Now my father say that Potter is nothing more that a little bu-"

"Lemon Drop?"

"Huh?"

"Lemon drop you idiot boy, it is the sweet that tastes like a lemon in the shape of a drop"

"Okay..." said Malfoy scraping his chair slightly backwards

"It is a muggle sweet"

"I will NOT eat that then, you...you Muggle loving fool!"

"Hmmm...you sounded very much like your father then, you both have the same hair...

"The colour of lemon drops..."

"THAT IS AN INSULT TO THE MALFOY NAME!"

"No its not! NEVER insult a Lemon Drop in front of me!"

"Well don't insult the Malfoy family name you hypocritical old fart!"

"I was complementing it! i even got a Lemon Drop the colour of MY hair!" DD said pulling out a grayish glue coloured sweet and popping it in his mouth.

"Yum, it's even MADE of some of my hair!" he said.

Malfoy promptly passed out.

* * *

Harry walked into Dumbledore's office, just as Dumbledore finished ramming a cupboard door shut. Little did Harry know, that cupboard not only held James Moore in it, but now Draco Malfoy as well.

"Ahh, hello Harry!" Dumbledore said, turning around to face the-boy-who-took-lemon-drops-when-asked.

"Hello Sir." Harry said looking quite mad. "I've heard that Sirius Black is after me; and that he is the reason my parents are dead. Is this true?" Harry was seething with rage, shaking silently.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked, trying to change the subject. "I know you like them, and Sirius Black used to like them too…" he trailed off.

"I don't want any sodding lemon drops, I want-"

"NEVER INSULT THE LEMON DROPS!" Dumbledore roared.

Harry stood his ground. "Why can't you be normal and have humbugs or something like that!" he roared back.

"Humbug flavored lemon drop?" asked Dumbledore, holding up an orange packet.

"How many packets of those things do you have?" asked an exasperated Harry.

"Millions and millions!" squealed Dumbledore in delight, running behind his desk and pulling out thousands of packets of all different shapes and colours.

He started pulling them all open and stuffing them in his mouth, giggling with delight.

Harry stared. "I think we have a problem," he muttered quietly to himself.

* * *

Dumbledore threw the sweets up in the air like confetti as he was carried out on the stretcher. The entire school had gathered to see him being taken away by the St. Mungos healers and many of the students were hit on the head by the sweets Dumbledore had just thrown.

"Lemon Drops for everyone! Come on, who wants a lemon drop?"

He threw a handful up again, apparently un aware of the pained cries coming from the students who were having lemon drops rain down on them.

As the doors to the school closed, blocking out Dumbledore and the healers everyone sighed in relief. No more Lemon drops!

"Well that settles that," said Professor McGonagall. "Now, who wants a liquorish snap?"

* * *

A/N: JUst to let you know, I don't hate Dumbledore. This was just a funny little idea my friend and I had. Please review! 


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